Thursday, August 22, 2013

Hats

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay

I am a huge fan of hats. I’m positive that one of the great rewards of parenthood is that I finally have an excuse for my hat fetish: I simply call it the “dress-up box.”

But “hat” as a term for a “role” in life? This is where things get a little sticky for me.

Because it turns out that my favorite hats are not the ones I think I’m “supposed” to be wearing, the ones I watch other amazing women seem to wear perfectly. There is a young mother in my ward who is beautiful and creative, with neat Sunday hair and makeup and immense patience in her Primary calling. There is another whose gaggle of tiny children always appear well-dressed and polite, whose house is usually clean, who seems always chipper and optimistic. There are women who journal, play instruments, sing, and sew their own clothes. Women who love housework (!!!), who relish a good day digging in the garden.

I relish eating something that someone else dug from the garden and then cooked for me.

My favorite hats are quirky or silly. I don’t have practical hats, like a sunhat or a baseball cap. I have a Viking hat and a fake coonskin. So instead of sewing, I like watching spiders spin webs. Instead of canning, I make silly crafts with my children. I like to plan ridiculously themed parties (like “Come as your favorite fish!”). I love reading and writing. I don’t like to clean, and I certainly wouldn’t win any awards for patience. I have, therefore, tended to think that I am a slacker.

But something happened to me recently, and I started to think about the things that I do, rather than what I don’t. I stopped worrying that I would never be the “perfect” Mormon mommy and started trying to be happy that I’m a decent one. Instead of thinking I’d never catch up with these other awesome women, I discovered we aren’t running a race in the first place. We are building a kingdom—or better yet (to stick with just one metaphor), we’re making a really excellent dress-up box. Maybe instead of competing, we could be cooperating, all adding to the collection of unique and wonderful abilities and roles. Maybe the world needs women like me who have a random set of quirky hobbies, a strange sense of humor, and a tendency to see gospel metaphors everywhere (including in the toy box).

Even if we haven’t cleaned the toilet in . . . a while.

I have long measured myself by the standard that I thought was most important. But I think that I may have missed the point. I think maybe we need all the types, we need all the skills. Everyone has something to contribute.

I’m not a pioneer bonnet or a yarmulke or a standard yellow rain hat. I’m really more of an umbrella hat—and I think the world needs an umbrella hat.

16 comments:

  1. Lovely post. I've always been a fan of hats, too. Too bad I can't stand wearing them. lol

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    1. Thanks! I don't really wear them a lot either--I just like to have them. :) Weird, I know. But I just think they're so much fun.

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  2. I loved your awesome hat collection. It fits with your wonderful quirky personality. Thanks for the reminder that we just need to work on being our own best selves and not worrying about fitting a particular "hat"/mold. I would miss the umbrella hat part of you if you only ever wore the pioneer hat.

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    1. Thanks, Sariah! I don't know what kind of hat(s) you should be, but I do know they're all awesome.

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  3. A big cheer for this! Life is so much better when we finally realize the truth...we're our own best selves. Thanks for the post!

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    1. Thanks! Agreed, life is much better that way.

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  4. Thursdays are now my favorite days!

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    1. Thanks, Meghan. And thanks again for the photos! :) (For anyone reading this, Meghan is an awesome photographer and if you live in Maryland, you should totally have her take pics for you.)

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  5. Jeanna, great piece.
    "Maybe instead of competing, we could be cooperating, all adding to the collection of unique and wonderful abilities and roles." Love that!

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    1. Thanks! I sometimes wish I were better at the cooperation thing. It's a goal I have, and I'm better than I used to be, but I still find myself sometimes comparing (and never measuring up).

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  6. Hey Jenna! Did you know Amy Grant has a song - from way back - called Hats. It's exactly what you write about - all the different roles Moms have. I like the umbrella hat!

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    1. Heh, I'd forgotten that--but I think her song is probably where I first learned about the extra meaning for "hats." I do like the sentiment of that song--it just feels like too much sometimes to try to be everything to everyone. Which is why I don't try anymore! :) (And thanks! I love my umbrella hat, but strangely I don't find myself wearing it often. :) )

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  7. I love your outlook, Jeanna, and totally agree with you. "It takes all kinds," right? I'm a yellow and gray plaid pageboy hat today. Who knows what I'll be tomorrow? Love the post!

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    1. I love the spontaneity of not knowing what you might be tomorrow! Plus, I bet you are supercool in your pageboy hat. :)

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  8. Great post, Jeanna! I collect fun hats as well, and we wear them every time someone has a birthday (even if we're going out to a restaurant). :) I'm just starting to accept that some of the things I "should" like (e.g. gardening) aren't the ones I will ever love or excel at--and I appreciate the reminder that I still have a hat to contribute to the box!

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    1. Oh, fun (the birthday hat thing)! I bet my daughters would love that. We have one single birthday hat that the birthday person wears (it looks like a cake), but I think we should all join in the fun.

      Yes, I don't think I will ever like scrapbooking or canning or some of those other things. I like the idea of gardening, but the actually doing it is not so great (as becomes obvious when you look at my overgrown garden and dead cantaloupe plants). Oh well. :)

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